Comebacks

Sometimes stuck for something to say? Need a comeback for the office for someone who's being particularly annoying? Then, try some of these! (Don't expect to make a lot of friends though)

• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
• Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted world-view.
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• Does everyone visualize duct tape over your mouth so early into the conversation?
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.

• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
• You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
• Are you a freaking ray of sunshine every day?
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

• And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
• Do I look like a people person?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• You!... Off my planet!

• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?

• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

If this isn't enough for you, then see Snappy Comebacks, Expressions For a Woman's High Stress Days and the useful Friendship Poem.