Sometimes stuck for something to say? Need a comeback for the office
for someone who's being particularly annoying? Then, try some of these!
(Don't expect to make a lot of friends though)
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
- Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted world-view.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- Does everyone visualize duct tape over your mouth so early into the conversation?
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
- You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
- You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
- Are you a freaking ray of sunshine every day?
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
- Do I look like a people person?
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- You!... Off my planet!
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
If this isn't enough for you, then see Snappy Comebacks,
Expressions For a Woman's High Stress Days
and the useful Friendship Poem.