Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator
- Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
- Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?
- Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- Meow occasionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror,
"You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
- Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
- Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
- Say "Ding" at each floor.
- Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
- Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
other passengers, "This is my personal space."
- When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on
the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
- Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
- Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
- Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor you're on.
- Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend.
After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
- Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
- Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
- Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
- Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
- Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
- Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
- Ask, "Did you feel that?"
- Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
- When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
- Swat at flies that don't exist.
- Tell people that you can see their aura.
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it
stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft
go "plink" at the bottom.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
- Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
- Start a sing-along.
- One word: Flatulence!
- Do Tai Chi exercises
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
- Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
- Bring a chair along.
- Lean against the button panel.
- While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
- Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
See also Keeping a Healthy Level of Insanity,
and Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop.