How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially
effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only
by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky". "No I'm
sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sport."
- Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're
doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the
- "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost
your shoes since you did this.
- While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
- Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people
you're waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have
time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting.
During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address be: firstname.lastname@example.org or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
- Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate
about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail
to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
- Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny
Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
- For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and
snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and
see how many you can catch in your mouth.
- Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the
lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back,
pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than
- Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights
up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're
doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3."
- Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
- Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
- Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level
lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
- Dont use any punctuation
- Use, too...much; punctuation!
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
- Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. (warning: you can get arrested for this, but that can be instructive too)
- Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
- When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
- Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
- Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
- Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they
sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like that.
See also Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator,
Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop
and Office Dares.
While on the subject of insanity at work...
Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from
work." said the man.
"How do you think you will do that?" said the other one. He proceeded
to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked
him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped
down and walked out of the factory. The second worker began walking out
too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going?
"Home. I can't work in the dark."