See also Strange Signs Found in England
and The Butchery of English.
- At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator):
- "Best Place in Town to take a Leak"
- Sign over a gynecologist's office:
- "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
- On a Plumbers truck:
- "We repair what your husband tried to fix."
- On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
- "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
- Pizza shop slogan:
- "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
- At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
- "Invite us to your next blowout"
- Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
- "Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it"
- At a laundry shop:
- "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close
the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
- At a towing company:
- "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
- On an electrician's truck
- "Let us remove your shorts."
- In a nonsmoking area:
- "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
- On a maternity room door:
- "Push. Push. Push."
- At an optometrist's office:
- "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
- On a taxidermist's window:
- "We really know our stuff."
- In a podiatrist's office:
- "Time wounds all heels."
- On a fence:
- "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
- At a car dealership:
- "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
- Outside a muffler shop:
- "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
- In a veterinarian's waiting room:
- "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
- Veterinary's office:
- "All unattended children will be given a free kitten"
- At the electric company:
- "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be."
- Inside a Bowling Alley:
- "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
- Sign at the psychic's Hotline:
- "Don't call us, we'll call you."
- Billboard on the side of the road:
- "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
- In a counselors office:
- "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."
- In a restaurant window:
- "Don't stand there and be hungry.
Come on in and get fed up."
- In the front yard of a funeral home:
- "Drive carefully. We'll wait."