Parent's Dictionary

AMNESIA:

condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

DUMBWAITER:

one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING:

the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK:

the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME:

what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS:

the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY:

what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE:

a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:

how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW:

the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL:

when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE:

a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF:

a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:

what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK:

where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING:

when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:

able to whine in words

WHODUNIT:

none of the kids that live in your house