The Bible According to Kids

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
• Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
• Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
• Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
• The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
• Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
• Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
• When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manger.
• Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.