Translating Business Lingo. . .
Here's some help in understanding those help wanted ads. Then,
for help understanding creative resume-writing, see
Translating Employee's Lingo below.
- "COMPETITIVE SALARY"
- We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
- "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
- We have no time to train you.
- "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
- We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple
of the real daring guys wear earrings.
- "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
- You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
- "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
- Some time each night and some time each weekend.
- "DUTIES WILL VARY"
- Anyone in the hospital can boss you around.
- "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
- We have no quality control.
- Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
- "APPLY IN PERSON"
- If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been
- "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
- We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal
- "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
- You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
- "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
- You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
- "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
- You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or
- "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
- Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and
- "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION"
- I've used Microsoft Office.
- "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE"
- I pilfer office supplies.
- "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES"
- I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
- "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK"
- I blame others for my mistakes.
- "I'M PERSONABLE"
- I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
- "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL"
- I carry a Day-Timer.
- "I AM ADAPTABLE"
- I've changed jobs a lot.
- "I AM ON THE GO"
- I'm never at my desk.
- "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED"
- The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.