What Men Really Mean

"I'm going fishing."

Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means..."I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."

Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."

Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"It's a really good movie."

Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

"That's women's work."

Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."

Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."

Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"

Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you."

Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."

Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."