Living Wills

This is the best representation of a Living Will I've come across.
There might be a few more legal sentences required.

-------------------- Living Will --------------------

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish 
to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances 
should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't 
pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors 
interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least 
one of the following:

______ a Beer
______ a Bloody Mary
______ a Margarita
______ a Scotch and soda
______ a Martini
______ a Vodka and Tonic
______ a Steak
______ Lobster or crab legs
______ The remote control
______ a Bowl of ice cream
______ The sports page
______ Chocolate
______ Sex

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person 
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it 
a day. At this point it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band 
to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise 
their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________

Date:      ___________________________

(Note: Women may need to adjust the options listed a bit)

While we're on the subject of living wills...

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her...

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle."

"Oh, dear? Is that right?" the wife says, not looking up from her book.

"Yep," he says. "If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug."

So his wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.