Actual Classified Newspaper Ads

Amana washer $100. owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days.
2 wire mesh butchering gloves, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
tickle me elmo, still in box, comes with it's own 1988 mustang, 5L, auto, excellent condition $6800
tickle me elmo. new in box. hardly tickled. $700
star wars job of the hut -- $15
full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. like new. slight urine smell.
free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home.
nordic track $300 - hardly used - call chubbie at:
hummels - largest selection ever - "if it's in stock, we have it!"
get a Little John - the traveling urinal - holds 2 1/2 bottles of beer.
Georgia peaches - california grown - 89 cents lb.
nice parachute - never opened - used once - slightly stained
whirlpool built in oven -- frost free!
barbie country ride -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike).
notice: to person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near southridge storage. please return the pumpkin and be checked. pumpkin may be radioactive. all other plants in vincinity are dead.
joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer - $300.
free puppies...part german shepherd, part dog
free yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. unpleasant little dog.
free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel - 1/2 sneaky neighbor dog
german shephard. 85 lbs. neutered. speaks german. free.
cute kitten for sale, 2 cents or best offer
cows, calves never bred... also 1 gay bull for sale.
83 toyota hunchback -- $2000
soft & genital bath tissues or facial tissue 89 cents
for sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man) - $50
bill's septic cleaning "we haul american made products"
american flag - 60 stars - pole included $100
tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? we offer profit sharing and flexible hours. starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
exercise equipment: queen size mattress & box springs-$175.
our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% italian leather.
alzheimer's center prepares for an affair to remember
open house - body shapers toning salon - free coffee & donuts
kellogg's pot tarts - $1.99 box
fully cooked boneless smoked man - $2.09 lb.
for sale by owner - complete set of encyclopedia britannica. 45 volumes. excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. no longer needed. got married last weekend. wife knows everything.
ground beast: 99 cents lb.
free: farm kittens. ready to eat.
found: dirty white dog...looks like a rat...been out awhile...better be a reward.