Be careful not to speed in Washington D.C.;
the police are handing out Redskins game tickets.
Q: What's the difference between the Redskins and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: What do you call 47 people watching an NFL playoff game on TV?
A: The Washington Redskins.
Q: What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and the Redskins?
A: O.J. Simpson at least had a defense.
Announcement from public address system at FedEx Field:
"Will the parents who lost your eleven kids here at the stadium please come get them? They are beating the Redskins 14-0."
Q: What do the Redskins and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Anthrax Scare! Football practice was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours for the Redskins. While on his way to the locker room, one of the players happened to look down and noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Steve Spurrier immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the Goal Line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
9/12/2005 - Fayetteville, Arkansas. A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Washington Redskins, whom the boy firmly believed are not capable of beating anyone.
Q: How do you keep the Redskins out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What do you call an Redskin with a Super Bowl Ring?
A: A thief.
Q: Why was Steve Spurrier upset when the Redskins' playbook was stolen?
A: He wasn't finished coloring in it yet.