PA Driving Rules

  1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Pennsylvania driver never uses them.
  2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
  3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
  4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
  5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Pennsylvania is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
  6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
  7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
  8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in Pennsylvania during rush hour.
  9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Pennsylvania driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
  10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
  11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Pennsylvania is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the State Highway Department, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
  12. It is traditional in Pennsylvania to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
  13. Remember that the goal of every Pennsylvania driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
  14. In the Pennsylvania area flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite Pennsylvania salute. This gesture should always be returned.
  15. Turning your hazard lights on allows you to break any parking law on the books. By default, the police will think simply that you will soon return to your car and will never ticket you as long as the lights are flashing.