High Tech & Computer Sales Jargon

Sales Term What it Really Means
New = Different color from previous design
All-New = Parts not interchangeable with previous design
Exclusive = Imported product
Unmatched = Almost as good as the competition
Designed simplicity = Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
Foolproof operation = No provision for adjustments
Advanced design = The advertising agency doesn't understand it
It's here at last! = Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
Field-tested = Manufacturer lacks test equipment
High accuracy = Unit on which all parts fit
Direct sales only = Factory had big argument with distributor
Years of development = We finally got one that works
Revolutionary = It's different from our competitors
Breakthrough = We finally figured out a way to sell it
Futuristic = No other reason why it looks the way it does
Distinctive = A different shape and color than the others
Maintenance-free = Impossible to fix
Re-designed = Previous faults corrected, we hope...
Hand-crafted = Assembly machines operated without gloves on
Performance proven = Will operate through the warranty period
Meets all standards = Ours, not yours
All solid-state = Heavy as Hell!
Broadcast quality = Gives a picture and produces noise
High reliability = We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE bus compatible = When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
New/Next generation = Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-Spec components = We got a good deal at a government auction
Customer service across the country = You can return it from most airports
Unprecedented performance = Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
Built to precision tolerances = We finally got it to fit together
Satisfaction guaranteed = Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
Microprocessor controlled = Does things we can't explain
Latest aerospace technology = One of our techs was laid off by Boeing

(originally from the Mole Hole Comedy Page)