| Sales Term | What it Really Means |
|---|---|
| New | = Different color from previous design |
| All-New | = Parts not interchangeable with previous design |
| Exclusive | = Imported product |
| Unmatched | = Almost as good as the competition |
| Designed simplicity | = Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone |
| Foolproof operation | = No provision for adjustments |
| Advanced design | = The advertising agency doesn't understand it |
| It's here at last! | = Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming |
| Field-tested | = Manufacturer lacks test equipment |
| High accuracy | = Unit on which all parts fit |
| Direct sales only | = Factory had big argument with distributor |
| Years of development | = We finally got one that works |
| Revolutionary | = It's different from our competitors |
| Breakthrough | = We finally figured out a way to sell it |
| Futuristic | = No other reason why it looks the way it does |
| Distinctive | = A different shape and color than the others |
| Maintenance-free | = Impossible to fix |
| Re-designed | = Previous faults corrected, we hope... |
| Hand-crafted | = Assembly machines operated without gloves on |
| Performance proven | = Will operate through the warranty period |
| Meets all standards | = Ours, not yours |
| All solid-state | = Heavy as Hell! |
| Broadcast quality | = Gives a picture and produces noise |
| High reliability | = We made it work long enough to ship it |
| SMPTE bus compatible | = When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound |
| New/Next generation | = Old design failed, maybe this one will work |
| MIL-Spec components | = We got a good deal at a government auction |
| Customer service across the country | = You can return it from most airports |
| Unprecedented performance | = Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way |
| Built to precision tolerances | = We finally got it to fit together |
| Satisfaction guaranteed | = Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check |
| Microprocessor controlled | = Does things we can't explain |
| Latest aerospace technology | = One of our techs was laid off by Boeing |
(originally from the Mole Hole Comedy Page)