A "Tale of Blood-Curdling Terror" and attempted WinXP installation...
> YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?
> ARE YOU REALLY SURE?
> ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?
> OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE'RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE "ANTI-TRUST" NONSENSE. INGRATE.
Just get on with it.
> ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.
> THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.
Problems? What problems?
> THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.
But I'm using it at this very moment.
> THAT IS IRRELEVANT.
But if the video card isn't working with the mother board then I can't very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn't...
> DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THE FOLLOWING MINOR ERRORS: WINDOWS XP IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH THE FOLLOWING HARDWARE - MONITOR, KEYBOARD, MEMORY CHIPS, MOTHERBOARD BIOS, WEB CAM, SCANNER, SOUND CARD, USB CONTROLLER, CD/R DRIVE, MICROPHONE, AND FLIGHT STICK.
> YES. AND THE HARDDRIVE IS RIGHT OUT TOO. WE DON'T LIKE THE MANUFACTURER.
Well what *DOES* work?
> THE MOUSE.
> YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.
I don't have a 5 1/4 drive.
> YES YOU DO.
No I don't.
> WHAT'S THAT THEN?
It's a 3 1/2 drive.
> NO IT ISN'T.
Yes it is.
> .. HEY, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT A DISK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISK? YOU'RE NOT PUTTING IT IN THE DRIVE ARE YOU? YOU ARE! WHAT'S ON THAT DISK. IS THAT DOS? YOU'RE INSTALLING DOS?? WHY WOULD YOU INSTALL DOS WHEN I AM INFINITELY MORE POWE..........
Note from langalist: Just For Grins
I got a note the other day from "~Steve-O," aka "Robot Karate Man" aka "HeySteveo," saying he was the original author of the "Tales Of Blood Curdling Terror" listed in this space in the last issue.
Establishing provenance on the Web is iffy, but ~Steve-O is indeed the author of a root post with the subject: "Tales of Blood-Curdling Terror" in the Usenet group "alt.2eggs.sausage.beans.tomatoes.2toast.largetea.cheerslove" ; you can use Google's Groups search to locate the original post, and view the whole curious thread that follows.
I'm glad to provide attribution when it's known to me. 8-)
And if you think the Usenet group "alt.2eggs.sausage.beans.tomatoes.2toast.largetea.cheerslove" is strange- -- you really haven't explored Usenet!