The Men's Guide to What Women Really Mean By...

At long last... The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something. Pay close attention (there WILL be a quiz later).

You want

= You want

We need

= I want

It's your decision

= The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want

= You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk

= I need to complain

Sure... go ahead

= I don't want you to.

I'm not upset

= Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly

= You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight.

= Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!

= I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights.

= I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient

= I want a new house.

I want new curtains

= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes

= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there

= NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise

= I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?

= I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?

= I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute.

= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat?

= Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate.

= Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?

= [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes

= No

No

= No

Maybe

= No

I'm sorry.

= You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe?

= It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby?

= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling!

= Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we're going to buy is a soap dish

= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

(The answer to "What's wrong?")

The same old thing

= Nothing

Nothing

= Everything

Everything

= My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really

= It's just that you're such an jerk

I don't want to talk about it

= Go away, I'm still building up steam