For you "Home Cookers"
- Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a
sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
- My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up
eating it anyway.
- Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter
onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every
- My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30
seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
- Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the
bag with the potatoes.
- My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry
for up to a year.
- Martha's way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of
salt to the water before hard boiling.
- My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells
- Martha's way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring
them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the
kitchen counter before squeezing.
- My way: Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box
- Martha's way #6: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet,
simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom
of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.
- My way: Eat at Chili's every night and avoid cooking.
- Martha's way #7: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray
before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
- My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.
- Martha's way #8: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking
pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white
mess on the outside of the cake.
- My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
- Martha's way #9: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's
still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess
salt for an instant "fix me up"
- My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too
damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how
bad it tastes.
- Martha's way #10: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the
refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
- My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
- Martha's way #11: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before
baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
- My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing
egg whites over the crust and so I don't do it.
- Martha's way #12: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to
- My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?
- Martha's way #13: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar
to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
- My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.
- Martha's way #14: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in
a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises
to the surface, throw it away.
- My way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you
will know it wasn't fresh.
- Martha's way #15: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and
rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
- My way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't
rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and
then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now
- Martha's way #16: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into
ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
- My way: Leftover wine?
- Martha's way #17: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars
- My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
- Martha's way #18: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers.
Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.
- My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the anti-bacterial soap
in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
- Martha's way #19: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. Clean
a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush
and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or
cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets. Polish
jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse
the jewelry for two minutes. Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle
with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour
(or longer, if necessary).
- My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some
Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
(See also Happy Thanksgiving)