The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.
The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.
The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.
The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.
The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn't working and takes half of your computer's best data in an ugly network session.
The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis.
The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable.
The "Deadbeat" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.