Political Correctness For Kids
Well, it's the dog days of winter break. My niece returns to school
on Monday. The last minute touches are being placed on the reports
assigned for the break. Attention is being placed on keeping that tan
just right and of course every day must be started by sleeping late.
I remind my blonde niece that her three week vacation is just about
over. Her homework must be ready to turn in. No exceptions. She
admonishes me to be more sensitive when talking to her. To be more
politically correct. In fact, she gave me this list of terms to be used
for kids.
Political Correctness For Kids
- Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage restrictive."
- Kids don't get in trouble anymore; they merely hit "social speed
bumps."
- You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
- You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious
follicle syndrome."
- No one's tall anymore; they're "vertically enhanced."
- You're not shy; you're "conversationally selective."
- You don't talk a lot; you're just "abundantly verbal."
- It's not called gossip anymore; it's "speedy transmission of
near-factual information."
- The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful; it's "digestively
challenged."
- Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
- You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
- These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically disinclined."
- No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
- Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook
experience."
- You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."
- You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor retentive athletic
footwear."
- You weren't passing notes in class; you were "participating in the
discreet exchange of penned meditations."
- You're not being sent to the principal's office; you're "going on a
mandatory field trip to the administrative building.