Political Christmas Guide
- Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"
- Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
- Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
- Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
- Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
- Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
- Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
- Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
- When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine.
- Democrats ask for a "Bud."
- When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
- Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.
- Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.
- So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.
- Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
- Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.
- Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
- Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* people's lights.
- Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
- Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
- Right-Wing Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."
- Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping.
- Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them to make sure they are seen.
- Republicans wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season.
- Democrats do too, all year round.
- Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards.
- Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.
- Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls."
- Young Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
- Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
- Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
- Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
- Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.
- Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it after New Years.
- Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians."
- Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians win.
- Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
- Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.
- Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix holiday meals.
- On this, Republicans are in full agreement.