Why did the chicken cross the road?
- VICE PRESIDENT GORE
- I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the
chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens
crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and
I will not disappoint them. I will fight with every ounce
of my heart and soul for those chickens.
I invented the chicken. I invented the road.
Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of
these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way
designed to bring greater services to the American people.
- GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
- I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the
road. I say give the road to the chickens and let
them decide. The government needs to let go of
strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
That's how we do it in West Texas. At least that's what my
advisors tell me.
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just
want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or
not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no
middle ground here.
- SENATOR LIEBERMAN
- I believe that every chicken has the right to worship
his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the
road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be
denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.
- SECRETARY CHENEY
- Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They
could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to
cross the road. They don't need help crossing the
road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
- RALPH NADER
- Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by
the evil tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but
our society pays tire makers to create the need for
these roads and then lures chickens into believing
there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the
roads, up with chickens.
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been
polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach
the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
- BILL CLINTON
- I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
- PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
- I don't think I should have to answer that question.
- RONALD REAGAN
- What chicken?
- RICHARD NIXON
- The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did
not cross the road.
- PAT BUCHANAN
- To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
- RUSH LIMBAUGH
- I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out
there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax
dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money
the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
- LOUIS FARRAKHAN
- The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.
- JERRY FALWELL
- Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't
you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side." That's
what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that
chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken should
not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and
simple as that.
- JOHN LENNON
- Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
- BILL GATES
- I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook - and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
- MARTHA STEWART (2002)
- If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I would be fully
justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could arrive
to arrest it for trespassing. I am a private person and should not
have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common chickens.
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
- BARBARA WALTERS
- Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of
how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of "crossing the road"
- KEN STARR
- I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the
behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort
to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from
the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying
to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the
president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and
undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to
offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully
with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted
to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and
any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.
(We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked
information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be
homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may
have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers).
- SADDAM HUSSEIN
- This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
- Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
- JOSEPH STALIN
- I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
- CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
- To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
- MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
- I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
- It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
- KARL MARX
- It was a historical dialectical proletariat inevitability.
Translation: It was a historical inevitability.
- If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
- CARL JUNG
- The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and,
therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
- I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to
the death its right to do it.
- JOHN LOCKE
- Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
- ALBERT CAMUS
- It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
- OLIVER STONE
- The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather
"Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our
haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
- THE POPE
- That is only for God to know.
- IMMANUEL KANT
- The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his
own free will.
- MC ESCHER
- That depends on which plane of reality the chicken
was on at the time.
- GEORGE ORWELL
- Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing
the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their
- Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
also across you.
- B.F. SKINNER
- Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from
birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to
cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own
- JEAN-PAUL SARTRE
- In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found
it necessary to cross the road.
- EMILY DICKINSON
- Because it could not stop for death.
- O.J. SIMPSON
- It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
- FOX MULDER
- You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How
many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
The truth is out there.
- SCULLY'S ANSWER
- It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
- The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
- THE BIBLE
- And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
- Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
- To get away from my cat... maybe.
- ERNEST HEMINGWAY
- To die. In the rain. Alone.
- In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
- JERRY SEINFIELD
- Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the
- DR. SEUSS
- Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed,
I've not been told!
- COLONEL SANDERS
- I missed one?
Now I personally think that the chicken crossed
the road to prove to the possum it could be done.