There Oughta be a Law

  1. Treiman's Theorem: Impossible things don't usually happen.
  2. O'Reilly's law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  3. Lieberman's law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
  4. Denniston's law: Virtue is its own punishment.
  5. Gold's law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.

  6. Conway's law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person should be fired.
  7. Finster's law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  8. Lynch's law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
  9. Muir's law: When we try to separate anything out by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
  10. Glyme's formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

  11. Mason's first law of synergism: The one day you'd sell your birthright for something, birthrights are a glut.
  12. Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
  13. Handy guide to modern science: If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
  14. Green's law of debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
  15. Stewart's law of retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

  16. First rule of history: History doesn't repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
  17. Oliver's law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.
  18. Harrison's postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  19. Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
    Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
  20. Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

  21. Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
    Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
  22. Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
  23. The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no positive effect on your take-home pay.
  24. Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
  25. First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

  26. Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
  27. Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
  28. Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
  29. Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one.
    Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
  30. The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

  31. Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
    Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.
  32. Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
  33. Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
  34. Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
  35. Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.
  36. Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away.
    Shevelson's Extension: ... having done its damage.
    Grelb's Addition: ... if it was bad, it will be back.

  37. Coles'S Law: Thinly sliced cabbage

For a huge list of similar laws, axioms, admonitions, corollaries, rules, etc see The House of Murphy.